I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
