I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
