I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
