We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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