I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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