Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
