You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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