i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We don't watch enough power rangers
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
