wakey wakey hands off snakey
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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