They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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