I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
