so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
