I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i think i just lost a toe
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
