We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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