it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
