i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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