My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
