I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
