Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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