Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
