grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
