Can Purell be used as lube?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
