did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
