So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
