I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
