I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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