We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
