you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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