Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
