Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
