i would punch a child for taco bell
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
