dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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