yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You took a bar mat shot.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
