i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
