So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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