I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
