I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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