chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
