You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
