i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
