How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
