Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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