I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
