You're my little dorito
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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