yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
