There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
