Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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