part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
