I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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