Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
