I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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