at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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