The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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