At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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