This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
