The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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