1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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