hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i think i just lost a toe
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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