Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's always time for handjobs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
