you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
